oh captain my captain
by potato queen22
Summary: Tony wants steve to move into the tower with everyone else. Steve doesn't want to. Angst and hurt Steve
1. nameless

To say that Steve was pissed was an understatement. This was the first meetinng they had since the Chitauri incident two weeks back and nothing had changed. Tony was still self serving and arrogent. Bruce was quiet and un involved. Natasia's cold and uncareing demenore still solidly in place. Fury, oh how he loathed Fury, in charge and in your face. Clint somehow vigilint and aloof at the same time. Thor in asgard away from what was quickly becomming a nightmare for Steve. Steve...'Steve'... he rolled the word around in his mind for a few moments, unused to the sound of his own name. he was Captain America now. He was strong and fast and unstoppable, he is a perfect soldier. 'Steve' was a quiet, frail, weak boy from Brooklyn, 'Steve' didn't exist anymore. But Captain America often missed Steve. Steve had friends, a home, a life. Steve had a name and Captain America was envyous. sometimes he still pretended to be Steve when no one was around, he would draw and sketch or play piano, but it never lasted. Captain Amerca, Cap, Capsicle, Man out of time, Old man. He bore many names now, but none of them were human names. he was an object and a toy. He hated it so much that it hurt. The captain was brought out of his musings when he reaized that everyone was stairing at him. they were waiting for an answer. Tony and Fury had been talking and they want everyone to move into 'the avengers' tower. it was utterly rediculous. However, it surprisedd him that he was the only one to disagree with the idea. Bruce had already been living there since the incident. Natasia didn't have a reason not to and felt that the tower would be a decent safe house. with Natasia comes Clint obviously. and then there was him. he didn't want to live in the rediculous tower.

"no" he used his best ' this is not a debate' voice

"what? why not?" if he didn't know better, he would say Tonys feelings were hurt.

"I don't want to. i'm perfecly fine were i am"

"in that little appartment? come on ,Capsicle, just come and live in the tower with everyone else, it'll be fun"

"Tony, i said that i don't want to. the answer is 'no'"

"that's a bullshit excuse!"

Steve glared at him. his reasoning was perfecly sound and he had no reason to expaine himself to Tony.

"welp. too bad Cap. i already had all of your things moved into the tower"

ok-wait...he must have heard thi pompus basterd wrong

"care to repeat that, stark?"

"your. stuff. is. in. the. tower. man has your age finally affected your hearing?"

Steve was quiet for a long time and when he finally spoke, his voice was hard, sharp and full of malice, but he was queit and painfully clear

"Stark, you have 2 hours to replace every single item that was taken to the tower.''

"oh come o-"

"2 hours Stark. i wont give you another warning"

He exited the meeting rigght after that and asked to be dropped off at the park where he frequently ran. He was still seething from his chat with stark and the invasion of his privacy. he wanted to run. he though about going to change into more apporpriate cloths for running but dammit everything was at the tower still. He took off his button down shirt and tied it around his waist where his faded jeans met his plain white t-shirt. Looking down at his black and white converse he decided that they would do. He ran, and again his musings of his name returned. who was the last person to say his name? when did his name last represent him as a person? Peggy. She said his name on the plain, through the tears. she had love in her voice and his name had meant something. he missed her. He missed Bucky. He missed Howard and the Howling camantose. He missed his neighbors and the kind young woman that sold him sweets. He missed Steve too...

The intusive thoughts took a long time to clear from his mind. He ran until it was well past sundown and his lungs ached. Only stopping because he could no longer see the path, he began hi walk home.

Irritation was the first thing he felt when he walked into his empty apartment. Irritation formed into annoyence then to anger and finally to cold rage. Damn him. The apartment was his last sanctuary, all of the old ones were gone and he didn't like the atmosphere of most places. he couldn't put his finger on why he didn't like the new designs of buildings or furnature, but it just didn't sit right with him. And now his sanctuary was gone. Even the pictures he had so carefully drawn to preserve special memories had been taken from the walls. His home was empty of life. An intruder in his own home...He took a drink from the tap and slept on the floor sitting upright in the corner.

(avengers pov)

Tony had come back to the tower just before sundown with a radiating smile.

"Tony, did you put Caps stuff back?" Clint asked not really careing

"even better, i put cameras in his apartment so we can see his reaction when he goes home, JARVIS tell us when our Captain returns home, would you?

"of course sir" the AI responded with its soft accent

A few hours later JARVIS turned on the t.v and called everyones attention to the captain opening his door. And then the look of anger that filled his every feature.

they watched silenty as their Captain stared at the empty living space and how he changed from angrey to sad and somber. Tony began to feel bad as they watched him sit in the far corner of the room and fall into a fitfull sleep.

"damn it Tony, what did you do?" bruce asked as if he was scolding a child

"what? he'll get over it"

the next morning the avengers in the tower woke up to find Tony staring at the t.v and became slightly worried

"what is it Stark?" Natasia asked briskly

he sighed before he answered "JARVIS informed me that Cap was freeking out so i came to see if he was in trouble...he was having a nightmaere. a really fuckin bad one to. i think he was drowning."

Everyone was in shock. The Captain? surley not? he was strong and brave and in charge. Captain America didn't have nightmares...but as JARVIS played the footage they all got sick to their stomach. this was their Captain, the perfect soldier pressing himself into a corner, struggling to breath. he clawed at his own skin to the point where he bled but, even in sleep, he suffered in silence. then he began to shiver and murmered quiet apologies to men and women long dead. Their heart broke for the young man


	2. young one

When The Captain woke up he was panicked _where am i how did-_ the though dissapeard as soon as it had come...right. Tony took his things to the tower damn him. he'd fix it today and go to the tower. he didn't like the idea of seeing the other avengers, he knew that they didn't hate him of couse, but he also knew that none of them particularly likehim either. It didn't bother him much, he was used to it. But he did wish for a good friend every now and then, just to pass the time. He knew that he was lonely, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He showered and changed into some cloths he had hidden in a knap sack in the wall. Paranoia can be useful on occation. With that in mind, he left the shell of his apartment and caught a bus to the tower.

At the tower he was greeted warmly by and older man in the lobby and escorted to the elavator that led to Tony's floor. He was angry again, he just wanted to be left alone. While the elavator was acending to the top floor, it suddenly stopped. _of all the days for Tonys equipment to malfunction_ he only became more annoyed until he heard fire alarms going off. Seconds later, the elavator began to shake and he couldn't find a way out of the renforced steel box, nore could he pry the doors open, he was between floors. "shit" was all he had time to say before he felt the elavator drop into ablivion.

Hospitals. i hate hospitals. the captain could tell where he was before he opened his eyes. He was in pain, he could tell that his body had taken a lot of damage if he wasn't already healed yet. He couldn't breath, and he knew why. This had happened before when he was in the war, a rib had punctured his lung and because of his advanced healing, his lung healed around the bone. but whenever he moved, the broken rib would tear into the soft tissue and he would be in agaony. History was once again repeating itself. He knew what was coming, and that made it so much worse. A nurse walked in and upon noticing that he was awake, went to get the doctor.

The doctor entered a short while later carrying a clip board and looking grim. "mr. Rog-" he didn't get far before he was interupted by his patient. Steve spoke in a pained, garggled rhasp, but he was clear.

"i know what happened, i know the medical challenges my conditions pose and i am prepared for the operation. we're both aware that this has happened before and that, if anything, it willbe far less painful this time around. thank you for your care"

The doctor, knowing that he was dismissed walked out of the room to make preperations.

3 hours later, the avengers walked into his room.

(avenger pov)

they saw their Captain in the holpital bed, knowinng that it was their fault he was their fault, not on purpose of course, but they had all been in the lab...

and know Cap was hurt, he was pail and brused. the doctors said if he was anyone else he would be dead ten fold. it's a miracle that even _he _survived and from what the doctors said, he needed surgery on his punctured lung...without anestesia. and all of them turned shades of green. they said he had this surgery before, and that an untrained team mate had to do it with a hunting knife and some alcohol. and looking at him now...he was so young. none of them had realized before but he didn't look 26 years old. he looked like he should be on a collage campus playing football and studying. and that made their innards twist.

The captain looked at them with annoyence when they walked in. at least it was the normal reaction. he didn't hate them.

"what?" he asked quietly but still sharply

"we just came to see how you were doing is all. sorry about breaking you" Clint said sincerally.

"i'm doing fine, thanks"

"some on capsicle, you don't need to lie to us"

that set something off "and what makes you think that i'm lying?"

Tony was about to say something when the docor walked in "Excuse me Mr. Rogers i just need to go over some basic information before the surgery"

"of course" he said returning his attention to the doctor

"name?"

"Cap- it's Steve Rogers" the avengers noticed his hesitation

"weight?"

"250 pounds"

"age?"

"21"

"d-"

"wait what?!" Tony yelled. the others followed suit. "what do you mean your 21?!"

he lookedat them as if he was explaining a simple concept to children "it means. im 21 years old"

they were shocked. how old was he when he went to war? when he killed someone? when he died and lost everything he ever loved? oh shit he's still a kid

they let it sink in their captain was barely old enough to drink.

he smiled at the doctor and finished answering the questions

he looked to the avengers "now if you would kindly get out of my room. i need surgery so i can breath"

the avengers exited the room and Tony bribed some doctors to let them in the viewing room.

surgery was brutal. they watches as their captain was cut open and operated on. The man out of time winces as the scalpul was plunged into his skin and began to shake violently as the operation began. he held as still as he could, his jaw clenched in silent agaony and tears spilled from his eyes. he didn't make a sound. he didn't pass out from the pain. gods above, why couldn't they help him?

days passes without word from the captain until Tony recieved a hand written letter from the captain demandidng that his things be returned to his appartment.


End file.
